totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
