She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
