wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize