i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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