I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
