Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize