i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
