Tell her she can't have a vagina
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
