yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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