No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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