if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Two words: blizzard sex
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
