Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
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