I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
