So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
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