Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
