why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
im about as happy as oj after his trial
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize