Kareoke will never be a sober sport
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
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