Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize