So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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