somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
