my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
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