Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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