a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
The adults are the big ones right?
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
