why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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