there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Randomize
