i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
