We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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