i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
you inspire me to be a worse person
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
