Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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