just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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