so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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