Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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