Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
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