dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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