I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
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