I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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