The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
vagina is talking i cant
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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