dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
