im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize