dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Are we still banned from the library?
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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