dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
