Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
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