you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Come share oat with me in your robe
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
