Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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