$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Randomize
