How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
