You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
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