dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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