she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
