I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
