I love watching others lives come down to our level.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Randomize
