i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
