I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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