i need an iv and a liver transplant
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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