I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
