no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
