Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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