What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
