I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
