i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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