can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
