Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
