Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
