I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
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