I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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