Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
