Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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