tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Randomize
