Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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