I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I need to stop coming to work sober
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
