please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
you had me at cake vodka
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
