i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
