also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
