well I can't set my house on fire every night
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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