Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
