I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
They took my balls.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
