Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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