This dress was meant to end up on your floor
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
