4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I am spending my child support on dildos
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
