Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
well most of my day revolves around power hour
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Randomize
