Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
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