she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
