My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
We had to coat check the pizza.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Randomize
